If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
