ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
