Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
