If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
