Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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