hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
