went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
