I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't deserve a penis
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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