well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
