we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
