Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
