We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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