Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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