FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
