I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
