This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
