i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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