Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
ttyl tear gas
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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