Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize