Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
