I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
