I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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