she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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