I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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