woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i think my cat just said my name.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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