just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
