I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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