Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
