so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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