i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
