I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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