oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
