i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
