Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
