I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
