I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
