He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
