nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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