but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
