Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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