i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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