Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize