I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
