how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
