They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize