how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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