I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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