Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
