I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
