nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
