I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
