Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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