he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
BRING THE BAGELS
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
