After last night, I could never be a politician.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
