Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Houston, we have a squirter
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
