Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
