There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
