I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
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