I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
