Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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