im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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