I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
