Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
