I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Randomize
