Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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