why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
