Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
