i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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